17/09/08: Bigger than god
If you own a console, you own COD4: Modern Warfare (except the Wii…well, fuck you Wii) And with the upcoming release Infinity Ward are being nasty little buggers by releasing Multi-player clips and this is more awesome than a Christmas present which runs around and shoots freaking lasers out of its eyes. But for reasons I cannot understand I can’t embed the videos: so the link to these new clips are
>>>>>>>>CLICK HERE<<<<<<<
in them brackets if you’re a retarded monkey (ok with the videos site vanishing quicker than Jason Bourne into a lake its just the website in general now)….Who’s a cute retarded monkey? You are….
But with this game now bigger than Halo 3, which in turn is more popular than God, there’s no wonder it can go for £55 (UK) and God knows how much in American Dollar.
Awwwww; Doesn't he just make you just wanna smoosh him?
It’s not all good news mind you. The day CoD: MW2 is released, 100% of XBOX Live users heads will be imploded by the instantaneous shout of the word N00B at a higher frequency than, well, God…
additional: The website put on the HERE link is the website with lots of info on the upcoming bigger than god release but go ahead watch this kid on COD5 ….arrogant cock
http://www.phillyd.tv/2009/05/18/arrogant-cod5-kill/
Also new news (all of the weapons!!!)
http://modernwarfare247.com/news/modern-warfare-2-multiplayer-weapons-update
21/08/09 : Lost Planet 2; Co-op Demo
Capcom have really done it again, Resident Evil 5’s a amazing game (if you play it on live) and looks amazing, and they have a long history of good games: Dead Rising, Devil May Cry and Mega-man to name a few and now they are back with Lost Planet 2. The Co-op Demo has recently been released and I decided to drop into the action so to speak as I have been looking forward to this one since its announcement (on x-box live under the veil of more RE5 news)
Lost, No More
The on-line demo drops you off in the middle of a fire fight with 3 other blurry eyed newbies which pit you up against a 50ft, flame daemon thing that lived on the planet before you arrived or you stole his prized marrow, or maybe you squashed his dinner, you get no explanation and its best if you don’t get one as you wouldn’t give a shit in hell…as the 1st thing the game made me do was jizz in my (what seems) very young and excitable pants with the amazing terrain and the overall looks of the games, then it made me shit myself in the before mentioned jizz pants when the before mentioned spawn of the devil comes and kicks mine and the other 3 guys faces into the ground and then its over as quickly as it started.
It's hard to believe this guy just wants a hug
Quickly after this I started another game and swiftly started to play the game like I should of, its a 3rd person shooter which you can go around in mechanical walkers and “stuff” and use rocket launchers and the normal assortment of exploding things to down the creature I refer to as fluffy. Its Extremely well executed and is shaping up to be a formidable game in the Christmas charts even tho there is a number one already and it isn’t hello kitty island adventure
"Yes Sir, Its Affirmative It Doesn't Like The Name Fluffy"
The Lost Planet 2: Co-op Demo is on each consoles respective market places for free download and is slated for a fall 09 release in the US (and I’m guessing UK) and 2010 in JP
09/06/2009 : Have You Seen 2 Hobbits?!?!?!
Lord Of The Rings Conquest…….yeah Its OK.
OK, Its Dan here and I can’t really leave it there, This Review will be on Lord Of The Rings Conquest as you could probably tell and its the latest in line of film spin offs but with a difference.
With Lord Of The Rings being one of the best books and film series ever, it was inevitable to have a lot of games spawned from it from the crotch kicking awfulness of the Fellowship of the ring, to the genital massaging awesomeness of the battle of middle earth series, it has had games of all different quality’s.
This is from the creators from the Star Wars Battlefront series and it follows its predecessor’s style and feel to the dot, which was good in 2000 or when ever they star wars version came out, but now it is just the same old style with an even better skin on it. As always with these games you have objectives to complete within a certain amount of lives, which gets very annoying as you always die just before you finish it. But it would be OK if they altered the game play slightly, but they bloody ripped it off and battered it to death with its own arm to try and make it seem like it was a original game, which it is not.
There are 2 campaigns like always with you playing the 1st one as it happened in the books on the good side with hero charecters Aragorn, Legolas, gimli and all of the good charcters and then theres anouther one where your the evil and its set in the what if universe and this is the big I especially enjoyed as it gives a new view on what could of happened and the charecters are that of the evil witch king the evil people and more evil people.. which have lots of names I couldnt spell even if they were in front of me let alone recall them.
All this guy is fit for is death....Let alone leading a army... I supposed they are Orcs
Then theres the online mode which has a lot to be desired for, for a start its hard to find a game becuase no one plays it and when you do find a game its got 2 modes which are basicly Capture the flag and Death Match, these both get boring after the 5th time of playing them let alone the 100 you need for a rediculus achievement.. they are also laggyier than porn on a dial up connection.
But all in all the game is ok, you get to be the balrog for christ’s sake and a game where you can be that fiery juggernaut is at least competent in my eyes, but apart from that its bland, annoying and the graphics feel like a throw back to the early 2000’s with games such as MGS4 and GTA VI having graphics that are amazing even though they are grey…very grey… so grey oh and dirt colours.
The Good
Its JRR Tolkins Lord Of The Rings
You Can Be The Mother Fucking Balrog
Battle Grounds Was Fun, So Naturally So Is This….For A Bit
It Just Doesnt Cover The Colours In The Dirt Spectrum
The Heroes and Archers Are Fun For A Bit
You Get To Be Mother Fucking Frodo
The Bad
Its No Metal Gear
It Gets Boring After About A Hour… So Its Better Than Any Gimmik Stick Waggling Game The Wii Has To Offer
The Online Sucks Harder Than A Hooker Welcoming The Boys Back From The War In The Old Days
It Is Battle Grounds
The Ugly
The Graphics are butt ugly I’ve seen better graphics on a Ps2 (Metal Gear Solid 3 & Final Fantasy X To name a few…What is it with me and going on about metal gear in this review) theres the graphics and gothmog..someones put him out of his misery so we dont have to look at him PLEASE!
I'm In A Boat... yeah.... I'm in a boat.....ect ect
The Next Few Reviews are going to be of the E3 announcements that recently happened and of Guitar Hero: Metallica as I am still writing them up as theres alot of content in them (apart from the ninendo as they sucked this year)
13th May 2009: I’m On The Mirror’s Edge… Its sharp…
Welcome to anouther review from backseat reviewers, Im dan and im your host for today.
Advert for free-running*face paint not included*
Mirrors Edge, bright, blissful and beautiful… well that’s what they want you to see as Faith (the main character) and regularly points out like Hitler on his views of the Jews.
Mirrors edge is a 1st person free running game which has a hint of beat em up and FPS but these aspects of the game are gittery and have issues like a unloved teenager and for once that’s not a problem .. Not the unloved teenager, the game issues because they try to and succeed in covering it up by the innovative 1st Person Free running aspect,
it breaths a whole new life into video games as a lot of the times in games it comes down to skill and in this there’s that and the sheer dumb luck because on more than a thousand occasions I have been sitting there not wanting to look at the screen as I’m scared I’ll miss the really small ledge and hear the oncoming SPALT of the now faithless faith changing from a human being into a small puddle of red gooey stuff that will leave the janitor wonder what the hell it was before the impact (his nearest guess is a elephant as I imagine the blood splatter is pretty big)
Free-running you will have to find your own way... route will NOT be higlighted in red
Also in a side note the game is weird in another way as well as the before mentioned elephant splat and that is that the control scheme is very left hand dominant were most games are right hand (like cod you aim with left shoot with right, GTA accelerate the rhino handled car with the right brake with the left get the idea?) and here the jumping and crouching is all with the left and the jump is the time bumper which is one of the worse things to have to hit when you’re running away every law enforcer in the local vicinity chasing you down like you stole a loaf of bread in ye old England.
The story is pretty good considering that the majority of bug eyed nerds won’t take it on the story as they will strip it down to the perverted nudity and try to rip the mechanics apart and it will be missed on them. The scenery you’re running around is quite frankly beautiful and amazing and best of all believable thanks to the story, as if it wasn’t it would be like yeah its beautiful but it would never happen and thank god they got it right as it pulls you into the game like a lion pulling a lonely hunter into his den.
On another note the music by Lisa Miskovsky is …..Well…Amazing… I remember getting worked up because I couldn’t make a jump stick on the track and it washes calm over you like a wave it’s amazing and it makes the ending just amazing…. It is a game that people will either love or hate as its new it has bugs and glitches every now and then and its “different” from other games but I loved it, I can see why people would hunt it down like it was a witch in ye old Britain but for me it was not the case…outside of the game you can re run the game to a time trail and you have another mode where its basically the same but with different courses and no police so it’s just a nice little thing if you want to just go for a free run without the fear of getting shot in the ARSE!!
The Good
Its Beautiful,
Innovative,
The music is amazing.. And not cheesy,
The free running,
That split second where you’re on the highest point of the whole game and look over the city and just stare in amazement you just need to cue awesome music and it could possibly be one of the best moments of gaming … EVER
The Bad
The falling to your death,
The police are evil in the time trial,
There’s police everywhere,
Running inside is bad
The ugly
That nasty elephant shaped innards splatter that killed that old lady on that one miss judged jump
Well killing the elephants out the way.... How do you eat one!!!
23th April 2009: Oh look..theres air force one.. and its getting *BOOM*
Welcome to another review from Backseat Reviewers from Dan…. The super villain of the brand as I will break bens ankles soon if he doesn’t do a kill zone 2 review soon… damn you Ben… but this week’s rookie came over from France… well err.. Yeah … he didn’t last long… after 20 words and 3 of them where… Halo, shit & worst…Ben lifted him up with his hulk powers and dropped him head 1st into a vat of bree and I let the room as it was too gruesome to recall…but onto the review… And funnily enough the next rookie
Look ma, no hands!
Tom Clancy’s HAWX, the most recent addition to the always growing tom Clancy family… its growing so much so that he will need to start killing them off to fit them all in the house, In the time of the year known as fuck all is coming out except games which are either shit (not naming anyone…avatar) or childish (Barry’s first sandbox) its getting harder to find games to review But HAWX is the 1st flight simulator out of the sea of self righteous FPS gun wank that is the majority of the Tom Clancy name which means it will be living as the black sheep of the family and will swiftly have a bed next to the family dog…in the back garden, HAWX is set in the near future where you start off in the US army until they decide you boot you quicker than a child hides that sweater his grandmother made for him. From this you join a corporation and work for them who are working for the US for… A BIT… until they turn their back on the US and work for the non-descript enemies (presumably not to piss anyone off… but it’s a bit late now… it’s like shooting the murderer after he’s killed a prostitute….or something like that because now…even France hates them and that’s saying something) and you like the patriotic arse grime you are go crawling back to the US who reinstate you.. BLAH BLAH BLAH…. The story is so patriotic it makes my eyes hurt just for watching (it could be that or the huge screen I watch it on…. Either or … doesn’t matter) but basically HAWXS is exactly like top-gun … without the boring non-flying bits……and Tom cruise….oh and the strangely homo-erotic volley ball scene …
Butt-Plug and Gimp suit just out of shot
but it has more planes for the plane nerds (but to everyone you’ll just see the same old arse end of a plane and explosions around you)…. And some other cool stuff…..WAIT…ITS MISSING THE CHEESY MUSIC AS WELL…I’m done… The flight simulation part which should be all we look at is really good… not that I have had experience in them though, but it’s fun and you get to blow stuff up with missiles at 3000miles a hour which isn’t normally a good thing as you sometimes miss the explosions to fly nose 1st into the nearest building … which is sometimes a skyscraper, the white house and if you’re lucky like me it won’t be a building it will be Air force one which has never looked better… well until I flew into it nose 1st that is…there’s also a nice addition to it called “assistance mode off” which would be better describes as … I’m floating in the sky watching my plane from a fucked up angle and do crazy stunts and sometimes spin round the plane to the nose just to piss the player off and help them fly into non-descript buildings…what is it with this game and flying into fucking buildings … the bane of all pilots….apart from this there’s not much more to say…the terrain looks awesome until you fly low…then it looks like a fat man sat on it after a all you can eat buffet and decided not to get up for half an hour (for those who doesn’t get that .. it means its flat…pixilated and looks shit) there’s lots of different areas to fly that look awesome … except the before mentioned fatty issue and it’s a pretty good single player game which induces fun onto you like a gentle massage to the temples will make you relax… there’s a multiplayer element though and that’s where the problems start to occur quicker than a .. Well a fatty to a all you can eat buffet.. There’s 2 modes .. Multiplayer campaign which is the same as single player.. So no problems .. all the funs of flying through fantastic scenery to crash into building but with your buddies and there is also a versus dog fight mode… this is shallower than a puddle with Katie Price standing in it and the lobbies are quieter than a one horse town after a nuke has dropped….
The Good
The scenery is spectacular
The Story is solid
The planes are sweet Its Fun…remember that well I didn’t until this
The Bad
The multiplayer sucks harder than a hooker trying to get money for food
THERES NO CHEESY MUSIC
The scenery is shit below 500ft
FOR CHRIST SAKES THERES NO SIGN OF THE CHEESY MUSIC
The Ugly…
Well the shit scenery and the lack of THE FUCKING CHEESEY MUSIC!!!!!!!!! Its times like these you wish tom cruise can come diving in and save the day with the fucking top gun song….. Oh well I’ll just have to go back to humming it as I’m playing
Tom Cruise... a man with one use and it isnt preaching
